This Past Week

This was pretty much a typically busy week, nothing special or notable.

At school, I am beginning to wrap up the end of the 2nd marking period. I assigned a lot of stuff that needed grading, which unfortunately means I will be very busy this week, grading all of that stuff, and will also be busy next week, getting everything ready for marking period 3.

My other big project of the week (month, next two months), is the yearbook. Now, don't get me wrong, I really enjoy doing the yearbook. In my last post when I mentioned other careers that I would enjoy, desktop publishing would definitely be one of them. I love coming up with the layouts, and working with Adobe InDesign. Every page I work on, I discover more that can be done with the program. I also get more creative, and come up with better ideas. I can't wait to compare this year's book to last year's, as I know already it will be much better. But on the other hand, doing the yearbook is a lot of work, and it is difficult to find time to work on it. Thursday, I stayed at school till 6:30 proofing and submitting a bunch of pages. I am pretty much going to have to pull one late-day a week until the yearbook is done (mid-March).

I also keep getting myself roped into things, which is mainly because I have a lot of trouble saying "no" to people. Back in October or so, a parent asked if I could help out with this year's musical. Traditionally, the musical is run completely by parent volunteers (there is no teacher stipend for this, at least not one that pays enough). I explained that I had a kid on the way, and had a full schedule. I was told they just needed someone to plunk out notes in the beginning of the rehearsal, since none of the parent volunteers, including the director, can read music. This was originally four rehearsals, and now has turned into 8, maybe (I can't seem to get a straight answer out of anybody on the exact schedule). I also told them I am not going to work any later than 4, because I have a baby at home, and will need to be working on the yearbook.

Well, we had an early dismissal followed by an in-service on Thursday, and I had assumed that since there was an early dismissal, there would be no musical rehearsal. I was looking forward to this extra time to work on the yearbook. Well, the director decided to bring in the male lead to work on his solos--well, of course, she needed me to plunk out notes, which I did, and left at 4 to work on the yearbook. I am not giving them any more time than what I already agreed to. And I have plenty excuses--band, baby, yearbook, etc.

My week at home was also very nice. I am starting to find more of a balance of school, housework, and spending time with Maddie and Meggie. Unfortunately for Meg, I don't help out on the housework end of things as much as I used to. She is actually happy about this, as long as I get time with Maddie. I still feel bad about it, and wish I could be more helpful. Meg wants me to spend as much time as possible bonding with Maddie when I am home. So Meg makes dinner, cleans up, makes lunches, makes the bottles, etc. all while I sit around and feed/play with Maddie. As long as Meggie is happy, I am happy.

This weekend was a lot of fun as well. Saturday, we actually went to Peter's with Maddie. We went for breakfast, since she is much more pleasant in the morning. It went very well. Maddie was quiet and even cheerful in her carrier. I had French toast and Meggie had pancakes.

The rest of Saturday was a little more annoying. I sat down to do money stuff, and got involved in a side project--entering all of our bills in to our bank's bill-pay website. After doing this, I discovered that MS Money is very closely integrated with our bank account and began putting all of these transactions into the ledger automatically. I was initially happy about this, as it would be a major time saver. So, I continued with the process, and then suddenly, MS Money couldn't connect to the bank's website any longer. I spent the next two hours troubleshooting the problem, to find out that my Money data file was corrupt (fortunately, I back up frequently). I fixed the problem, but then had to enter in a week's worth of receipts AGAIN, since my backup was from last weekend.

Saturday night, I was on baby duty, and Meg cleaned the house. We went to be kinda early, because we had to get up even earlier than on a weekday.

Meg and I played bells at church Sunday morning. We have to play at both services, and our at the church from 7:45 - 1:00, typically. This is way too long to have Maddie there, so my parents watched her in the morning. This meant we had to have the three of us out of the door by 7:15. This actually wasn't as hard as I thought it would be, which is a good sign, since this will become a daily ritual when Meg goes back to school.

Our morning at church was actually enjoyable. I am not a very religious person (despite the fact that I do hold somewhat of a church leadership position--the handbell director). I used to be much more religious in high school, but I went to college, and just began to view the world differently (more liberally), than before. Also, my church ended up changing a lot after graduating, when our pastor unexpectedly resigned. We had several interim pastors, none who impressed me. We now finally have a permanent pastor, who we are still getting to know.

I still don't know how I feel about my belief in God, and have been trying to figure that out. I am sure I am not the only one. What I do know for certain is that any religion which preaches intolerance towards others is not the right one. Therefore, I am very critical of any Christian leader (or any person in general) who condemns people because of their cultural background or lifestyle choices. So far, I haven't gotten that vibe from this guy. His sermon yesterday (though a bit long) was actually more about being open towards others rather than condemning.

Our handbell performances went well too, considering that we were down a ringer. The bell choir keeps shrinking. We keep losing people, and are having trouble recruiting more ringers. I have been doing some bell arranging for our small group (which everyone seems to be impressed with), put ended up purchasing music for the rest of the season because, despite the fact that I enjoy arranging, it is a lot of work, and there isn't a whole lot of time for it.

Meg and I were also asked by the choir director if we would be willing to run music at VBS this summer. I am actually looking forward to this. I will have the time for it (it's in the summer), and it will be fun to work with Meg. My dream is to have Meg and I someday work together in the same music department at the same school.

So, with having good performances, being complimented on my arranging skills, looking forward to a summer project, and hearing a good sermon, it turned out to be a great morning.

The afternoon was spent cleaning, as we were having my family over for dinner. My mom's birthday is Tuesday. We were supposed to go out to brunch at Adelphia's, but that got rescheduled to next week since my brother had to work. So, we decided to bake my mom a cake, and have my parents over.

The evening was enjoyable, with cake, cookies, a fire in the fireplace, and Jim Gaffigan on Comedy Central. Unfortunately, I had a horrible sinus infection, so I did not completely enjoy it.

I decided after my parents left that I would take off Monday, since I was feeling so crappy.

Once I got over the guilt of taking a day off (long story--I'll save it for another post) I had a really wonderful day today. I stayed in PJ's all day, and did not go anywhere. I spent the morning doing as much school work as I could do from home, so that I don't get behind. The rest of the day was spent hanging with Maddie and Meggie, and pretty much doing nothing.

I am a little sad, because it is 9, and my "3 day weekend" is pretty much over. But now, I only have four days till the next weekend. It's weekends that are going to get me through the rest of this school year. PLEASE let me find another job.

Okay, I gonna surf the web, put Maddie to bed, and hang out with Meggie till bed.

My life at school

The other night, I read over most of my old posts (I only got up to the middle of August or so), and realized how little detail of my life I have been blogging about lately.

The wonderful thing about summer is that there is time to do things like blog every day. I realized that soon after the school year started, and found it very difficult to get my daily blogging in. So, I decided to go to a weekly approach. After all, despite the few discipline problems I had, the school year was going well, Meg's pregnancy was going well, and there wasn't a whole lot that I could report on a daily basis.

Then, Maddie was born, and the idea of blogging, let alone any recreational computer time, was nearly impossible. But now that we have gotten settled into somewhat of a routine, I have been finding the time to visit the computer more, and am going to attempt to continue my weekly blogging sessions. First however, I feel I need to catch my readers (i.e.- the future me) up on what has gone on since September.

As far as my home and family life goes, I already accomplished this in my previous posts. You all now know that I am a happy and confident dad, who is happy with the routine, but maybe a little nervous about the future.

School is a whole different story, which I will get into finally in this post. To get to the root of my problem, we have to go back really far, perhaps to middle school...

I had a pretty good idea of what I wanted to be when I grew up when I was about 14. I wanted to teach music. I had a pretty good role model, my trumpet teacher/band director, Mr. Colangelo. I didn't know it at the time, but I was very fortunate to be in a very well established music program with a very highly-qualified teacher. Mr. Colangelo's job looked like a lot of fun; it looked like something I could be happy doing.

My career goal became more obvious when I got into high school, where I found another great role model, Mr. Bazzel. He was the band director at my high school, and I decided that I wanted to do exactly what he did, be a high school band director.

With that very specific career goal in mind, I went to college at LVC, majored in music education, had a very positive high school band student teaching experience, and began looking for a job teaching high school band. Little did I know that this was not as easy to do as I thought. I was fortunate enough to be interviewed by one school district, who basically told me I was "too young" for the position, and that I would need more experience.

I was also lucky enough to get a JOB in the first place, as I had also envisioned a worser situation, substitute teaching until I found a job. This first job wasn't all that I had hoped for. The school was about 40 minutes (which turned into in hour after we moved that year) from my home. The pay was one of the lowest in the state of NJ. I was also teaching grades 6-8 "related arts" (general music, with drama and theatre components--things that I am not qualified to teach) Definitely not anything close to being a high school band director.

Realizing this, I began to look for a job at the end of the year, and was hired by my current employer. This was a step in the right direction: a half hour drive and higher pay to start. Though I would still be teaching general music (this time 3-8), I would also get to direct the band. I also landed a part time job assisting with the marching band at the local high school.

The year had so much potential, and yet, my first year was horrible, for several reasons. First off, the administration: I began to learn how frustrating incompetent administration could be. Our administration is very soft on discipline, in some cases, taking student's words over teachers. The students do not have respect for the administration, and therefore do not respect the teachers. It seems as if the current administration is better at disciplining teachers than students. This, coupled with a bitter relationship between the local teachers union, the BOE, and the administration, has lead to bad morale among teachers. I was the only one in my building teaching music. There seemed to be an amount of distrust among teachers, and I really didn't make any friends. It didn't help that most of my colleagues were the same age as my parents, or older. I was never formally disciplined, though was 'talked to' on several occasions by administrators. This, which had never occurred while I was actually in middle school, was a major blow to my self-esteem. I spent most of the school year being very anxious about work, pretty much dreading every day of it. There were high points to the year, but I remember dreading most school days.

The other problem, and this is a big one: the parents. We have many "litigator" parents, who refuse to sign demerit and detention slips, who come in and argue their child out of detention, placing the blame on the teacher. These parents see their children as angels, and the kids know it. They misbehave in school, get in trouble, go home and lie to their parents, who come back at us, saying that we are wrong, or being unfair to their kid, or being inconsistent, or unreasonable. You name it, and they have found a way to blame us. If you as the teacher don't back down, they go to the administration. If they don't back down (which is rare), they call BOE members to complain. Some have even hired lawyers and sued the school district for various things.

The combination of the "uber-parenting" and an inept administration was created a situation where students cannot be disciplined, and teachers have little power.

My first year was difficult in other ways too. Managing 18 general music classes, instrument lessons, and band rehearsals is not easy to do. I was not accustomed to the amount of planning and grading required to teach general music. College prepared me much better for the band directing part of my job, but I still don't feel confident teaching general music.

As you can imagine, I was very happy when summer came around, and I immediately started looking for a better job--still pursuing that high school band director job. I applied several places, but was not able to find a new job.

Another year started, but this year was a little easier. I had a much better idea of what I was doing, especially in the general music area. I had soon realized that every other teacher was going through what I was going through, and was able to make some "work friends." My career goal had also began to shift. With Maddie on the way, I started to realize that working at a high school probably wasn't the best option. I happened to be working with the state champion marching band part time. As prestigious as this band was, I saw it as the model of what a HS marching band should be like. I began to realize that obtaining a goal like this takes many, MANY hours of practice. Working with the band, I experienced this first-hand. And while I have much respect for the students and the directors who work this much, I decided it wasn't for me. I want to be home on the weekends and evenings, doing yard work, and hanging out with my family. I informed the director about that we were expecting, and my new familial obligations would prevent me from helping with the band any more.

The school year ended on a high note. I had a much better school year, and it looked like some good changes were in for next year. I wasn't helping at the high school anymore, which would help me focus on my full-time job. We were getting a new superintendent in September. I was actually looking forward to building on the success of my two previous years. I didn't even bother to look for another job--this one was good enough.

The school year started, and things were going very well, and admittedly for the most part, they still are. However, the lack of discipline and the little power that teachers have is still a major problem. Our new superintendent seems to be even softer on discipline. Our principal found another job, and is leaving at the end of the month. It could get better, but it could also get a lot worse. Most teachers think it will get worse. For a while after Maddie was born, I was having a terrible time keeping up on the planning and grading. I am also still struggling with discipline. There are some days where I feel just as targeted by bullies as I did when I was in middle school. I am beginning to learn that I do not have the right personality to teach middle school. I am too soft, too gullible, too nice. I let the kids walk all over me. I know I do, and I hate that I do it. But half the time, I don't even know that I am doing it. I usually feel like I am being too hard or too mean, when I know the opposite is true.

I am also fed up with school politics. Mainly, the issue with the parents. I am also not all that proud of the teacher's union. Both our local one for their stubbornness, and the state union for their greed. I know I have it very good as a teacher, and I know that taxes are too high. I think we should all be willing to give a little bit for the betterment of everybody. I have been fed up lately with special education laws. I am not trying to be insensitive. I understand that some children have legitimate disabilities, and need assistance in the learning process. However, the result, in my eyes, has been a continual lowering of standards for all students. Once again, power has been taken away from the teachers. We cannot teach the way that we feel is best. We have to teach to the test (not necessarily in music, but I am speaking generally here), making separate modifications for in some cases, half of the students in the class. The administration's response to this nearly impossible task is to modify the content for all of the students. That, to me, is lowering the bar.

The combination of all of the above had me thinking for a while (and sometimes it is still there in the back of my mind), that I am in the wrong profession. There are many things that I imagine myself doing where I would be happier. I love to work with computers. I like working with pictures, and websites. I like to build and fix things. I love electricity and electronics. And there are plenty of careers that involve doing these things. However, most of them involve training, which costs money, or do not pay anywhere near how much I make as a teacher. Also, I can kiss summers goodbye in all of these occupations. I would have considerably less time with my family in most of these careers.

Whenever I start to think that I am in the wrong profession, I just think about all of the things listed above. As Meg points out, I have yet to actually have a chance to do what I "want" to do: that is, teach elementary or middle school band, without the burden of general music (which I knew from back in middle school, I did NOT want to do).

So now, I am seeking the perfect job. All band, no general music, preferably elementary level, though middle school band would be okay. This job is not an easy one to find. There are actually two in Meg's district. One that was open for this school year, yet I neglected to apply for. All I can hope is that one of these teachers decides to find a new job, so that I can apply for the position.

In the meantime, I am making the best of a bad situation. I made a few New Year's resolutions in relation to my job. First off, I now leave school at school. Even though this means I am often staying later than I used to, I allows me to focus solely on my family and my house when I get home. I also decided to try to find the positive in everything I do. I am too negative in my self-evaluation. I tend to say to myself at the end of a class: "you didn't get through everything, the kids were bad, etc." instead of: "they got this particular concept, and so-and-so did a really good job, and is getting it." I started a journal where I write down what went well at the end of the day. My third resolution was to not let things bother me so much. If all goes well, I will be out of this district soon. I shouldn't let the politics or the discipline issues get to me. I need to just go with the flow, put my own personal philosophy aside, and adopt the "lowering standards" mantra, and give in to the litigating parents. If that bothers me, I hopefully won't have to put up with it for too long.

Doing all of these things has made things much easier. I am happier at school, and at home. Soon, I will start polishing my resume, and getting my ePortfolio website back online, and can look to that dream-teaching job in the future.

Being a dad

Okay, I realized after I blogged last, that the days just began to run together. I remember the day before, and the few days afterward with a lot of detail. However, everything else after that happened so quickly, that it is really hard to give a detailed account of. I can't believe that Maddie is already six weeks old (upon finishing this entry, she is now eight weeks old). It really only seems like she's been around for about 2 weeks. But on the other hand, I can't really picture what it is like without her.

So, I decided to sum up my feelings on being a dad.

I don't want to say that I was nervous about becoming a dad, but I really wasn't sure how it was going to be, or if I was going to know what to do. Surprisingly, everything came very naturally. I was changing diapers like a pro from the beginning. And even a few weeks ago, I was very good at reading Maddie's language--knowing when she was hungry, sleepy, needed her diaper changed, or just plain cranky.

Despite the fact that we had planned to nurse, it just wasn't meant to be in our situation. We tried, for about two weeks or so, and eventually decided, despite the associated guilt, to formula feed. This has actually been a wonderful bonding experience for me. I really enjoy participating in the late-night feedings. I am glad that Meg doesn't have to completely shoulder the responsibility for this, and I am glad that Maddie and I get some extra time together.

When Maddie is happy and smiling, it melts me. When she is cranky and crying, I am proud that I actually know what to do to get her quiet. (Thank you Dr. Karp and your "Five S's") I so far am completely confident in my fathering skills.

What I am nervous about, though, is the future. I feel like I know what I am doing now, but I also know that babies needs change when they get older. Like, she is going to eventually start crawling, eating solid foods, walking, talking, going to school, dating, going to college, getting married, etc. Am I going to know what to do then? How exactly do you childproof a house? When do we start to feed her solids, and how much? How do you potty train a kid?

Despite all of these questions and unknowns, I am pretty sure that it will all work out, because we are usually pretty good at figuring things out.

We are also starting to get into a routine, which is nice. We were told you can't get a 6 week old into a routine, so I guess it is really more of a routine for Meg and I. We are getting much better at getting her to sleep, and knowing how much formula and diapers to buy. Things are starting to feel like they are getting back to normal around our house. After all, I am actually blogging! (truth be told, I started this post on January 1st, 2 weeks later, I am finishing it).

Here is pretty much a typical day:

Meggie has baby duty (she's wonderful, isn't she). Baby duty really hasn't been too bad, since Maddie now sleeps at least 6 hours at night *knocking on wood.* Plus, the times that she does wake up are starting to become more predictable.

So anyway, I get up around 6:20, get showered, Meggie gets up and starts breakfast while I get dressed. Maddie sleeps through all of this. Most mornings I leave without seeing her, which can be tough, but I'd rather Meg be able to get some more sleep.

I go to school, missing my wife and child very much (I'll blog about my recent experiences at school in another post--too much to say). My New Year's resolution has been to keep school at school, so I have been leaving later and finishing my work there, rather than taking work home. I head home around 4:30 (if I am lucky), get home 40 minutes later, greet Meg and Maddie (and don't forget Max--we usually have a play session outside when I get home), and then take over baby duty while Meg makes dinner. I shouldn't call it baby duty, because that sounds like work. I really miss her during the day, so it is a chance for us to reconnect.

I feed her, entertain her with toys (she responds to something new every day it seems--this weekend we discovered the Baby Mozart DVD), and play with her. She goes in her swing while we eat, and then some more time with Maddie. Since I am not taking work home, unless there is something else pressing I have to do, Maddie is pretty much mine for the rest of the evening. Meg and I have been chilling in the family room more often (hey, we ARE a family now). We've got our entertainment system. My desk has been relocated to the family room (the "office" is now a 2nd guest room), which I like a lot better, because it means I can work at my desk, and still be with Meg, Maddie, and Max. Maddie's got her pack-n-play (bassinet/changing table), bouncy seat, and gym mat. Max has his recliner.

Maddie usually gets two bottles from me when I'm home at night. One around 5, the other around 8:30-9. I usually give her this last bottle in the nursery, with the white noise on, and only the night-light on. After feeding her, I change her, swaddle her, and rock her to a sleepier state, then gently put her in the crib, and cross my fingers that she will fall/stay asleep.

Then Meggie and I get ready for bed--and the day is over.

Pretty good deal, huh? Weekends are even better, because I get to see Maddie during the morning and the early afternoon, when she is the most pleasant and responsive. Around early evening, she starts to get kinda cranky. I also get baby duty at night too, which despite the fact that I am feeding Maddie and fighting to stay awake, it is actually enjoyable.

Well, I am glad I finally got to blog. If you don't hear from me often, you should now understand why. I am going to make an attempt to blog more frequently. Maybe in list form or something, just to get the words out.

I do get around to updating Maddie's Blog, as well as our Picasa Web Album more often. If you really want to find out how I/we are doing, check those out too. Meg also blogs more frequently than I do.

Okay, we better get to bed so I can get some sleep, just in case Maddie decides she wants a midnight snack. I'm on baby duty tonight--tomorrow's a day off!