My life at school

The other night, I read over most of my old posts (I only got up to the middle of August or so), and realized how little detail of my life I have been blogging about lately.

The wonderful thing about summer is that there is time to do things like blog every day. I realized that soon after the school year started, and found it very difficult to get my daily blogging in. So, I decided to go to a weekly approach. After all, despite the few discipline problems I had, the school year was going well, Meg's pregnancy was going well, and there wasn't a whole lot that I could report on a daily basis.

Then, Maddie was born, and the idea of blogging, let alone any recreational computer time, was nearly impossible. But now that we have gotten settled into somewhat of a routine, I have been finding the time to visit the computer more, and am going to attempt to continue my weekly blogging sessions. First however, I feel I need to catch my readers (i.e.- the future me) up on what has gone on since September.

As far as my home and family life goes, I already accomplished this in my previous posts. You all now know that I am a happy and confident dad, who is happy with the routine, but maybe a little nervous about the future.

School is a whole different story, which I will get into finally in this post. To get to the root of my problem, we have to go back really far, perhaps to middle school...

I had a pretty good idea of what I wanted to be when I grew up when I was about 14. I wanted to teach music. I had a pretty good role model, my trumpet teacher/band director, Mr. Colangelo. I didn't know it at the time, but I was very fortunate to be in a very well established music program with a very highly-qualified teacher. Mr. Colangelo's job looked like a lot of fun; it looked like something I could be happy doing.

My career goal became more obvious when I got into high school, where I found another great role model, Mr. Bazzel. He was the band director at my high school, and I decided that I wanted to do exactly what he did, be a high school band director.

With that very specific career goal in mind, I went to college at LVC, majored in music education, had a very positive high school band student teaching experience, and began looking for a job teaching high school band. Little did I know that this was not as easy to do as I thought. I was fortunate enough to be interviewed by one school district, who basically told me I was "too young" for the position, and that I would need more experience.

I was also lucky enough to get a JOB in the first place, as I had also envisioned a worser situation, substitute teaching until I found a job. This first job wasn't all that I had hoped for. The school was about 40 minutes (which turned into in hour after we moved that year) from my home. The pay was one of the lowest in the state of NJ. I was also teaching grades 6-8 "related arts" (general music, with drama and theatre components--things that I am not qualified to teach) Definitely not anything close to being a high school band director.

Realizing this, I began to look for a job at the end of the year, and was hired by my current employer. This was a step in the right direction: a half hour drive and higher pay to start. Though I would still be teaching general music (this time 3-8), I would also get to direct the band. I also landed a part time job assisting with the marching band at the local high school.

The year had so much potential, and yet, my first year was horrible, for several reasons. First off, the administration: I began to learn how frustrating incompetent administration could be. Our administration is very soft on discipline, in some cases, taking student's words over teachers. The students do not have respect for the administration, and therefore do not respect the teachers. It seems as if the current administration is better at disciplining teachers than students. This, coupled with a bitter relationship between the local teachers union, the BOE, and the administration, has lead to bad morale among teachers. I was the only one in my building teaching music. There seemed to be an amount of distrust among teachers, and I really didn't make any friends. It didn't help that most of my colleagues were the same age as my parents, or older. I was never formally disciplined, though was 'talked to' on several occasions by administrators. This, which had never occurred while I was actually in middle school, was a major blow to my self-esteem. I spent most of the school year being very anxious about work, pretty much dreading every day of it. There were high points to the year, but I remember dreading most school days.

The other problem, and this is a big one: the parents. We have many "litigator" parents, who refuse to sign demerit and detention slips, who come in and argue their child out of detention, placing the blame on the teacher. These parents see their children as angels, and the kids know it. They misbehave in school, get in trouble, go home and lie to their parents, who come back at us, saying that we are wrong, or being unfair to their kid, or being inconsistent, or unreasonable. You name it, and they have found a way to blame us. If you as the teacher don't back down, they go to the administration. If they don't back down (which is rare), they call BOE members to complain. Some have even hired lawyers and sued the school district for various things.

The combination of the "uber-parenting" and an inept administration was created a situation where students cannot be disciplined, and teachers have little power.

My first year was difficult in other ways too. Managing 18 general music classes, instrument lessons, and band rehearsals is not easy to do. I was not accustomed to the amount of planning and grading required to teach general music. College prepared me much better for the band directing part of my job, but I still don't feel confident teaching general music.

As you can imagine, I was very happy when summer came around, and I immediately started looking for a better job--still pursuing that high school band director job. I applied several places, but was not able to find a new job.

Another year started, but this year was a little easier. I had a much better idea of what I was doing, especially in the general music area. I had soon realized that every other teacher was going through what I was going through, and was able to make some "work friends." My career goal had also began to shift. With Maddie on the way, I started to realize that working at a high school probably wasn't the best option. I happened to be working with the state champion marching band part time. As prestigious as this band was, I saw it as the model of what a HS marching band should be like. I began to realize that obtaining a goal like this takes many, MANY hours of practice. Working with the band, I experienced this first-hand. And while I have much respect for the students and the directors who work this much, I decided it wasn't for me. I want to be home on the weekends and evenings, doing yard work, and hanging out with my family. I informed the director about that we were expecting, and my new familial obligations would prevent me from helping with the band any more.

The school year ended on a high note. I had a much better school year, and it looked like some good changes were in for next year. I wasn't helping at the high school anymore, which would help me focus on my full-time job. We were getting a new superintendent in September. I was actually looking forward to building on the success of my two previous years. I didn't even bother to look for another job--this one was good enough.

The school year started, and things were going very well, and admittedly for the most part, they still are. However, the lack of discipline and the little power that teachers have is still a major problem. Our new superintendent seems to be even softer on discipline. Our principal found another job, and is leaving at the end of the month. It could get better, but it could also get a lot worse. Most teachers think it will get worse. For a while after Maddie was born, I was having a terrible time keeping up on the planning and grading. I am also still struggling with discipline. There are some days where I feel just as targeted by bullies as I did when I was in middle school. I am beginning to learn that I do not have the right personality to teach middle school. I am too soft, too gullible, too nice. I let the kids walk all over me. I know I do, and I hate that I do it. But half the time, I don't even know that I am doing it. I usually feel like I am being too hard or too mean, when I know the opposite is true.

I am also fed up with school politics. Mainly, the issue with the parents. I am also not all that proud of the teacher's union. Both our local one for their stubbornness, and the state union for their greed. I know I have it very good as a teacher, and I know that taxes are too high. I think we should all be willing to give a little bit for the betterment of everybody. I have been fed up lately with special education laws. I am not trying to be insensitive. I understand that some children have legitimate disabilities, and need assistance in the learning process. However, the result, in my eyes, has been a continual lowering of standards for all students. Once again, power has been taken away from the teachers. We cannot teach the way that we feel is best. We have to teach to the test (not necessarily in music, but I am speaking generally here), making separate modifications for in some cases, half of the students in the class. The administration's response to this nearly impossible task is to modify the content for all of the students. That, to me, is lowering the bar.

The combination of all of the above had me thinking for a while (and sometimes it is still there in the back of my mind), that I am in the wrong profession. There are many things that I imagine myself doing where I would be happier. I love to work with computers. I like working with pictures, and websites. I like to build and fix things. I love electricity and electronics. And there are plenty of careers that involve doing these things. However, most of them involve training, which costs money, or do not pay anywhere near how much I make as a teacher. Also, I can kiss summers goodbye in all of these occupations. I would have considerably less time with my family in most of these careers.

Whenever I start to think that I am in the wrong profession, I just think about all of the things listed above. As Meg points out, I have yet to actually have a chance to do what I "want" to do: that is, teach elementary or middle school band, without the burden of general music (which I knew from back in middle school, I did NOT want to do).

So now, I am seeking the perfect job. All band, no general music, preferably elementary level, though middle school band would be okay. This job is not an easy one to find. There are actually two in Meg's district. One that was open for this school year, yet I neglected to apply for. All I can hope is that one of these teachers decides to find a new job, so that I can apply for the position.

In the meantime, I am making the best of a bad situation. I made a few New Year's resolutions in relation to my job. First off, I now leave school at school. Even though this means I am often staying later than I used to, I allows me to focus solely on my family and my house when I get home. I also decided to try to find the positive in everything I do. I am too negative in my self-evaluation. I tend to say to myself at the end of a class: "you didn't get through everything, the kids were bad, etc." instead of: "they got this particular concept, and so-and-so did a really good job, and is getting it." I started a journal where I write down what went well at the end of the day. My third resolution was to not let things bother me so much. If all goes well, I will be out of this district soon. I shouldn't let the politics or the discipline issues get to me. I need to just go with the flow, put my own personal philosophy aside, and adopt the "lowering standards" mantra, and give in to the litigating parents. If that bothers me, I hopefully won't have to put up with it for too long.

Doing all of these things has made things much easier. I am happier at school, and at home. Soon, I will start polishing my resume, and getting my ePortfolio website back online, and can look to that dream-teaching job in the future.